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Gulabo, 26 years. They both were instantly attracted to each other and began dating a few months into meeting each other. Tarun—who had spent 16 years in the rural Moradabad area of Uttar Pradesh—found his life completely turned around. Everything had to be done secretly, right from finding spots to meet people to making love with them.
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A lot of children from my village would move to cities like Mumbai and Delhi for better employment opportunities. But two years into their live-in relationship, Tarun accidentally found out that not only was Rehaan a sex worker but that he identified as straight. Rehaan confessed that he had begun to sleep with men when he was in college because it meant easy money to pay off bills. They broke up. The subject of men who identify as straight but have sex with other men is a fascinating one.
It makes you think of identity, sexuality, motivations, how you publicly and privately might identify yourself, and your perceived place in society.
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While sex work is legal in India, activities like soliciting in public are still illegal. But we are yet to establish whether dating apps count as a public or a private platform. While researching for this piece, I spoke with many people and was surprised to see how many knew of men having sex with other men MSM but insisting they were straight. And one of the biggest hunting grounds for them has turned out to be dating apps—Grindr topping that list. Craig, a filmmaker and resident of Mumbai, found out about this in a strange way.
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I assumed he was talking about weed but on talking to him further, he told me that he could also arrange for a room to ensure privacy. Then I came to know that there were college students who were willing to sleep with men.
They were mostly boys from small towns who needed money and dreamt of a luxurious lifestyle. But if money seems to be the biggest motivation for these straight MSM, why would they just not hook up with women?
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Maybe because talking about sex or asserting their right over sexual pleasure is still fairly uncommon for women in India, especially in rural and semi-urban spaces. Finding other gay men is easier due to apps and social media. A lot of his clients are also closeted gay men who are married to women.
Ranjit himself is married since a year. I lie to be able to feed my family, and this is not really too tough.